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Once, I heard this story—some chick in Vegas got paid in casino chips! True story, swear on my Duff! She’s all, “Cash me out, baby!”—hilarious, right? I’m laughin’, but then—D’oh!—I’m sad again, ‘cause it’s messy, ya know? These gals got lives, and here I am, a doofus, oglin’ ‘em. “Blessed are the forgetful,” I mutter, wishin’ I could zap this night outta my skull like Joel and Clem. Maybe I’ll stick to donuts—safer, cheaper, and Marge won’t kill me! D’oh!

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German lessons are free and include a one-hour tutorial in sexual practices taught using disturbingly childlike cartoons drawn by a local kindergarten teacher.

I know I kinda ramble, but that's how I roll. I even got a funny habit of mixing up phrases sometimes, like "Oh snap, I got a 500 million friend seal!" haha must be those movie lines all over my brain – "You don't get to 500 million friends." And ya know, sometimes, imnnnn… sorry, gotta make this real: I screw up typos, and whatevs. Like, I type "lves" for loves or chime in with "dat" insted of that… ya feel me?

1 dead after car drives off overpass, crashes on light rail train tracks in Lone Tree