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Oh, and the history? Victorian docs used it—called it “pelvic massage.” Cured “hysteria,” they said. Total bullshit excuse to get handsy, if ya ask me! Still, kinda genius—sneaky bastards. Makes me smirk, “I can see Russia from my house!”—and their prudish faces blushin’. Sexual-massage ain’t shy, tho—it’s bold, in your face, like my snark.

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Next, I hit up the Westfries Museum. I’m all about that history, man. I walk in, and it’s like stepping back in time. There’s this painting of a shipwreck, and I’m like, “Wow, that’s deep.” But then, I overhear this couple arguing about art. Like, chill out, people! It’s just paint on a canvas. I’m trying to vibe, not listen to your drama.

Meet 40 Under 40 honoree Maria Van Hoorn of Wisconsin Department of Tourism - Milwaukee Business Journal